you'll always be the one i love
by jellybean96
Summary: Sometimes...accidents happen. You always think you'll have more time. Until you don't.


**Hey babes! Got a new one for ya tonight! This one is the first fic for the Bellarke Bingo event that I'm taking part in that was started over on Tumblr. Go give it a look if you're interested. It's pretty fun so far and I've barely started.**

**The prompts I received and decided to combine for this fic are **_Ghost AU - Love Confession - Bellamy POV. _**This one honestly came pretty easy to me once I started writing it. Be prepared for the emotions.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

He took quickly to watching her work on her art once they met. And sleep. And eat. And all sorts of things. Other people might think it was creepy. She never did. Well, maybe a little bit at first. But she got over it pretty quickly. She thought it was sweet. She'd complain, but she never really meant it. She always had a smile on her face whenever she caught him staring. There was always a smile.

But now there isn't. If his heart was still beating it probably would have stopped when he noticed the change in her entire demeanor since that day. She hasn't been the same.

She barely eats, sleeps most of the day away and doesn't go to work, rarely talks to any of their friends or her family. She isn't even painting. Or if she is it's all deeply depressing artwork. Lots of blacks and greys. No more colors.

If he could still feel pain and other emotions then this would absolutely be hurting him to his core to see her like this. She's not the same Clarke that he's always known, the Clarke that became his best friend so very quickly. He never wanted this to happen. He never thought that it would happen. He thought he'd have longer. He thought he'd have more time to work up the courage to tell her.

It hasn't been that long since the accident. It was so sudden and unexpected. He looked in on everyone once he figured out how to; none of it was good, everyone was a wreck. He hasn't been able to bring himself to look in on Octavia, though. They'd had one of their usual arguments and she hadn't been speaking to him when the accident happened. He doesn't want to know what she's going through. So instead he consistently puts himself through watching Clarke suffer.

This is a particularly bad day for her. She hasn't gotten out of bed all morning, hasn't answered her phone or the door, hasn't opened the curtains. She hasn't done anything.

He watches as she buries herself deeper into the covers of her blanket when there's an incessant knock on the door of her apartment.

"Clarke? Clarke, I know you're in there. Open the damn door!"

Raven. The only one, besides maybe Wells, Murphy, or Octavia, that'd be brave enough to do something like this. On the rare moments when Clarke gets really angry, no one wants to be on the receiving end of it.

The pounding continues and he pleads silently that Clarke will get out of her bed and answer the door, that she'll let someone in. He just wants her to get help. From someone. Anyone.

"Clarke Griffin, you get your lazy ass out of bed and let me inside or I swear I'll break this door down."

It takes a few minutes, but then Clarke is out of bed, grabbing one of his sweatshirts from college that he had accidentally left at her place but never thought to ask for it back, and making her way out into the main living area of her apartment.

They spent a lot of long nights studying for college classes in this living room. They had so many game nights with their friends in this living room because it was the biggest and Clarke has always been the mom of the group, always checking in on everyone and making sure they're eating okay and not drinking too much when they're out so they can get home. Or if they are drinking too much while they're out then she always made sure to get them a ride home. Or if they're at her place, she'll make up the couch for them or set out extra blankets and pillows on the floor.

But she's the one who needs to be checked in on. It's not right. That's not how it's supposed to be. Clarke's always been the strong one, being the shoulder for everyone else to cry on when they need her. Now she's the one who needs the shoulder. It's wrong.

"What do you want, Raven?" Clarke asks as soon as she opens the door to her apartment, folding in on herself even as she stands there. "I'm busy."

"Busy wallowing in your emotions?"

"I'm grieving, Raven. Am I not allowed to do that?"

"Of course you are, Clarke. But what shouldn't be allowed is you cutting yourself off from everyone else around you who are also grieving. We all lost our friend that day, Clarke. Hell, Octavia lost her brother. Do you think you're the only one entitled to shut yourself off and be alone? Because you're not. You're not the only one hurting, Clarke."

It takes only mere seconds, and then he sees something he's rarely seen from Clarke. Her eyes are watering, her lip is trembling, and her legs fail her as she falls to the floor in the doorway of her apartment, letting out a broken sob.

Raven follows her to the floor a bit more gracefully, her own eyes watering at the sight of Clarke so broken. None of them have ever seen Clarke like this. She's just never been the type to break down in front of others.

"It feels like I can't breathe, Raven," she confesses. "I don't know what to do. Everything hurts. He's everywhere. Everything I see or do, I just think about him. I can't...I can't do this, Raven. I don't...I don't think I can live without him."

Raven wraps Clarke up in a hug, gently rocking her as she lets a few tears fall down her own cheeks. He knew his friends cared about him, he's never doubted that, but it's a whole other thing to actually see them mourning him. He shouldn't blame himself, but they're feeling this way because of him.

"You're going to get through this, Clarke," Raven tells her, a slight waver to her voice as she speaks, holding Clarke tighter.

"No, I won't," Clarke replies, her body shuddering as she cries. "I won't, Raven."

"Why not? Why won't you get through this?"

"Because...because I never told him…"

"Told him what?"

"T-that I love him. I never told Bellamy that I love him."

If he was still breathing, that one sentence would take his breath away. Clarke loves him. He can't believe it. Clarke Griffin loves him. She really does.

"Clarke? What are you...what do you mean?"

"I mean I love him, Raven. A lot. I love every single damn thing about him. Even the things that I always said annoyed me. I actually loved all of them. And I love him. I love him, Raven. And now he's gone, and I'll never get to tell him. I should have told him before. I should have told him."

He watches as Clarke buries her face back in Raven's shoulder, continuing to cry and shake. He watches her from afar, unable to get any closer despite his every effort to do so. He has to watch her grieve without being able to help her.

He frowns, watching as Raven helps her onto the couch and sits with her for the rest of the day, sharing their favorite memories of him from the time they knew him.

"I miss him, Raven," Clarke says sometime later after she and Raven have spent the day crying and laughing through their memories of him. "I miss him so much. And I don't think I'll ever stop loving him."

* * *

**So? What did you think? Let me know in a review down below. I'd love to hear your thoughts. **

**Until next time,  
Jellybean96 out!**


End file.
